I stared at Gerard from a distance, his dyed red hair falling perfectly over his pale face. He smiled and laughed as he opened his locker, a white envelope dropping onto the floor. Gerard looked at it, picked it up and shoved it in his locker. He was my best friend and I just wished he would open the envelope and read about the feelings and memories that are scrawled on that piece of paper held within…just once. I went to look away as Gerard’s beautiful green eyes latched on to mine and he smiled at me, motioning his hand for me to walk over. I hesitated, before taking a deep breath and walked towards him.
“Hey Frank,” he said cheerfully.
“Hey Gerard,” I replied nervously.
“You okay, Frankie?”
“Yep, just Valentine’s Day I guess,”
“It’s less than a week away, but you will find a girl,”
I don’t want a girl. I thought. I want you.
“I might…” I lied.
The bell sounded and we walked out of the school, heading towards a big oak tree on the edge of the oval. We always skipped first class on Monday….history sucked. I started skipping and eventually Gerard caught on and decided to join me, which I had no objections too. I threw my bag under the tree and sat cross-legged on the grass, Gee sitting next to me. Gerard pulled his bag in front of him and began to unzip it, pulling out a white envelope.
“Do you know what is in this?” he asked, looking curiously at me. I shook my head, keeping my eyes down. “No, why don’t you read one?” I suggested.
“I want to know what it is without opening it though. I’ll do it later,”
My heartbeat slowed down and my breathing became more frequent and controlled. I’m an idiot. What the fuck am I doing suggesting Gerard should open it while I’m sitting next to him? Gee could never like you anyway. I thought to myself. “You’re such a fuckin idiot Iero,” I whispered.
“Frank, did you just call yourself an idiot?” Gerard asked curiously.
“Uh…um….oh, sorry, I was just thinking out loud…but, yeah I did,” I murmured.
“No reason,” I lied.
“You’re lying Frankie,”
“Just don’t worry about it Gee.”
“You can tell me anything,”
“10 years of friendship and you can’t tell me anything….what the fuck?”
“Maybe later…but not now,”
The bell for lunch rang out through the school and we continued to sit under the old oak tree. Gerard’s little brother Mikey joined us, accompanied by Ray and Bob. The five of us only hung out with each other and Mikey was the only one to know about the letters and my crush on Gerard. Well, it wasn’t so much a crush. I guess I was more…in love with him. It started off as a crush, but as far as I knew Gerard was straight. This lunch was like any other, Gerard showed us some new songs that he had written and Ray would write music to go with it.
Gerard and I walked side by side to art, which made me feel better. Well, kind of. Gerard was awesome at art, but he always guided me through things and helped me out when I needed it. We just talked about Valentine’s Day. He told me I can get a girl before then. I agreed of course, knowing full well that I wasn’t into girls and I wanted him for Valentine’s Day…Gerard was the one I loved. “So, who are you going to ask out for Valentine’s Day?” I ask nervously taking the seat next to him.
“Don’t know,” he replies bluntly. “I don’t think I will ask anyone, there are no girls that I like in this school, not even slightly,”
“Really, not even slightly?”
“No reason,” I lie, looking out the window, blushing lightly. The dark grey clouds collide causing thunder to roll out through the sky, lightning forks crack down and they light up the sky for a split second as the rain pours down, tapping harshly against the window and I let out a brief sigh. “What?” Gerard asks puzzled.
“The rain,” I answer. “I love you. I mean it…. the rain, I just…it’s hard for you to understand,”
“Frankie, I do understand. I love the rain too, amongst the many things I love,” Gerard smiled slyly.
I hope he didn’t notice. He would have though….no doubt. What does he mean though? ‘Amongst the other things he loves’….like what? He couldn’t possibly mean me.
Art continued on like any other class, I sat there scribbling on my page. Sometimes I wish I had Gerard’s artistic ability. I really did wonder why he was so good, but then again I was always wondering about him. Not that there was any reason too, after all I had known Gerard for the last ten years.
The bell rung out, the students rushed out of the class, but Gerard and I took our time packing up. We were never in a hurry to get to math. There were only two good things about Math anyway. One, our teacher was laid-back and couldn’t give a shit what we did and second, Gerard was in my class. He was in all my classes which I rather loved. It meant I could admire him and spend all the time in the world with him.
The teacher rambled on about parabolas and hyperbolas it wasn’t any wonder as to why it was so easy to fall asleep in this class. I wanted to sleep too, but being next to Gerard made it almost impossible to do anything. Gerard’s scent was beautiful and intoxicating, it was enough to put anyone off task.
I managed to sneak through the door without my mother noticing, she knew I skipped the last class on Monday but she always likes to give me a lecture anyway. I strolled on towards my room, flicking on the light as I entered. For once my room hadn’t been touched by my clean-freak mom, but she knew I wasn’t going to clean it. I only ever cleaned it when Gerard came around. I sat on my bed and flicked open a comic whilst kicking off my shoes.
I didn’t realise how late it was until my alarm clock beeped 11:00. “Shit, it’ late,” I mumbled to myself. Seconds later there is a vibration and my cell phone is ringing. I check the flashing screen. ‘Gerard.’ I don’t hesitate to flip it open and accept the call. Gerard’s voices sounds muffled, as if he has been crying, the yelling and screaming in the background makes it difficult to hear him. “Frank, I….can…” he tries.
“Gee, what is it? Are you okay?”
“No, not really. Can…I…come…over?” he asks me between sobs.
“Yes, of course.”
With that Gerard hangs up and I anxiously wait. Moments pass before I decide I should check if Gerard is here. I tip toe through the hall and down towards the door, opening it as quietly as I possibly can. There he is…a distraught heap on the concrete steps to my house, curled up in a tight little ball, sobbing loudly into his knees. “Gee,” I say quietly, kneeling down in front of him, wrapping a warm arm around his waist and pulling him in towards me, trying to secure the shaking. “Gerard, what is it? What’s wrong? Talk to me,” I whisper desperately. I want to help him, but to be honest I have never seen Gerard like this and he is scaring me somewhat. I give him a minute or two to answer me….he doesn’t, instead he pulls his head from between his knees and looks at me with red-rimmed eyes. It was sad to see tears falling from his beautiful green eyes. I’m breathless and I can’t think of one possible thing to say right now, but I look at Gerard and he looks at me. I can tell he’s anticipating on what to do next. He moves closer and his uneven breathing is cool against my skin. I stay still as he closes his eyes and presses his lips against mine. It’s a simple kiss, nothing more. I don’t kiss back right away though, but eventually I do. Gerard is upset and pushing him away could only hurt him more. I have no idea what is wrong with him, but he is upset and if kissing me is what he wants to do then that is fine, of course I have no such objections. Gerard pulls away, before crying some more. “Sorry Frank, I didn’t mean to,”
“Shh, it’s okay,” I sooth. I grab his hand, dragging him inside. Unfortunately my plan to be silent had failed and there before me was my confused and angry looking mother. “What’s this?” She asked. “Hi Linda,” Gee whispered.
“Hi honey, you go on to Frank’s room. He will be there in a moment,”
He shook his head in disagreement, which quite surprised me. No one ever argues with my mom. She nods.
“Okay, then. Frankie honey…..what are you doing?”
“Can Gee stay?” I ask nervously. My mom stands there a moment, before she agrees. I swing my arm back around Gerard’s waist and slowly lead him to my room. I sat him down on my bed and Gerard and he finally managed to control his tears.
“I’m sorry Frank,”
“its okay, why are you upset though?”
“My parents are fighting…they never fight,”
“I have never ever seen them fight,” I admitted.
“Dad wants a divorce. I’m so scared Frankie,”
Frankie? Since when does he ever call me Frankie? I wondered.
“Gee, you are staying here for the night,” I demanded.
“I’m sorry about the kiss too. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset and you were close and I wanted too…I don’t know,”
“Hey, Gerard, would you get a grip on yourself. It is okay. The kiss is fine; don’t worry about it,”
“Yes, just sleep.”
I stood up and turned off the light, before pulling off my jeans and slipping under the covers next to Gerard. We lay there silently and I hoped he wouldn’t cry. “Frank…”
“It’s fine, you’re my best friend. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you,”
“About that kiss, I’m sorry,”
“It’s fine. Really, it is. I didn’t mind,”
I lay there waiting for a reply, instead I feel someone hovering over me. I keep my eyes closed and feel Gerard kiss me. I don’t kiss back. I figured he was upset still, but he decides to try again and this time I agreed, wrapping my arms around him, before pulling away. “What the fuck are you doing?” I asked shocked.
“Sorry,” Gerard murmured.
“It’s okay, just why did you do it?”
“I just wanted to try it again,”
We lie face to face and I wonder about the truth. I know he is lying to me, I can always tell. I don’t know what was happening or what I was thinking as I kissed him, smiling into the darkness. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight.
I awoke to the rain still pouring against my window and rolled over to see a still sleeping Gerard. Last night was awesome. I can’t believe we made out. I thought. That was all we did do, just kiss. I stared at Gerard’s pale face as he opened his eyes and smiled. “Hey,”
“Hi,” I smiled back.
“What the fuck happened last night?” He asked confused.
“You kissed me so...I kissed you back,”
“Oh, ok then,”
“You didn’t mind…did you?”
“No, of course not, but it doesn’t mean anything, right Frank? I’m into girls anyway. It was just a bit of stupid fun.”
“Yeah, doesn’t mean a thing. I know you like girls. Guys are just….icky.”
“Okay, I’m glad you’re fine with it, really I am,”
“I’m fine about it Gerard, honest,” I lied. I wasn’t fine about it. Truth was I wanted to do it again. I wanted to kiss him, sleep with him. Honestly I just wanted to be his forever. We threw off the covers and stepped out of bed to get ready for school.
“We need to go Gerard,” I called out to him.
“I know, I know. I’m almost finished,” he replied. Gerard and his fuckin eyeliner…I swear.
He ran out and stopped in front of me, holding the pencil in his hand. “All done,”
Shit he was hot!
“What?” He questioned.
“Oh, um…nothing. Sorry, I was just thinking,”
“Nothing lets go,”
The walk to school was as any other, even with Gerard. It was quiet and boring. I wanted to start some sort of a conversation, but I didn’t know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut as we walked through the gate, just on the bell. That was when Gerard finally spoke. “Thank you again for last night. Do you think maybe it would be okay if I stayed over again, I wouldn’t want to impose or anything?”
“Cool, I just…don’t want to go home right now,”
“I understand, you just want to keep away from the fighting. Things will be okay Gee,”
He gazed at me and grinned. I couldn’t help but blush and look away. Maybe if I’m lucky it can be just like last night. I hoped to myself. I wanted so much just to kiss him again and feel his soft lips against mine, even with the tears mixed it. It was sweet. He was sweet.
We took our usual seats next to each other for History. Oh yay…History. Fuckin kill me now. “Why did we choose History?” I asked Gerard.
“I have no fuckin idea.”
Mrs Kelly walked in and took a seat at her desk. “Good morning everyone, please get out your History books and turn to page 394.” I took my book from my bag, not daring to open it. Gerard on the other hand wasn’t even going to touch his book, nor was he even going to think about it. Instead he pulled out his sketch pad and a pencil and continued to draw a picture that I still was prohibited from looking at. Gerard wouldn’t tell me why either, all he said was that I wasn’t allowed to look at it until it was complete, no matter how desperate I wanted to see it. He never hid his art from me and usually showed me everything he drew. Gerard continued class sitting silently and drawing as I wrote all the writing from the board. Gerard always knew he could get the work off of me if he really wanted too.
The bell rang and I threw my book in my bag and waited for Gerard to pack up. He seemed to be rather quiet, a little slower than he usually was. “Gee?”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“Are…are you okay?” I wondered.
“Yeah, I’m fine,”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m sure. I’m fuckin okay alright,” Gee hissed.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. We walked out of class, when Gerard stopped, looking at me with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry,” he uttered quietly.
“Don’t cry, please. Don’t cry. You don’t have to apologise Gerard. I shouldn’t pry. You had every right to snap at me,”
“No…I didn’t. You’re my best friend Frank and you’re just doing what friends do, looking out for each other. I just…I’m really confused right now. I’ll be okay,”
“I’m just worried about you Gee,”
“I have to sort this out by myself, no family, no friends. I appreciate your concern though an when you need too you will find out,”
“Okay, if you say so,”
We walked side by side to lunch and sat under the big oak tree. Bob, Ray and Mikey joined us soon after we sat down, but soon left after they learned that Gerard wasn’t quite himself. They didn’t leave because they were upset or unhappy that he wasn’t talking, it was more to the fact that they cared about him and thought that it would be best if they gave him some space. I must admit, I agreed with them. I stood up and didn’t even get to take a single step before Gerard’s hand was gripped around my wrist, his nails digging in to my skin slightly. “Where are you going?” he asked. A look of worry swept across his face.
“Oh, I thought you might need some space,” I admitted freely.
“You don’t have too, but please stay. Sit with me. I want your company. I want you,” he mumbled or so I thought.
“Nothing, I just asked if you would stay,”
Lunch was peaceful and was uninterrupted. I didn’t mind that we didn’t talk. He wanted me there and that was all I needed. Gerard never needed a reason for me to stay anyway. He knows I would do anything for him, at least I hoped he knew.
I couldn’t wait to finally be home. School had dragged on so long today, that now my head was pounding and aching and I was over it. I kicked my shoes off at the door and paced lazily to my room, Gerard close behind me, inches from stepping on the back of my feet. I sat on my bed, letting my head fall between my knees. “Frank, are you okay? What is it?”
Gerard turned away and walked out of my room and off down the hallway. A minute passed before Gerard was back and sitting next to me. I looked up to see a smiling Gerard with a glass of water. “Here, take the Aspirin,” he smiled, handing me the two Aspirin tablets and the glass of water. I stuck them in my mouth and took a drink of water, placing the glass on the bedside table.
“It’s fine,” he replied, rubbing a hand soothingly on my back. “Just relax and we can chuck on a movie for the afternoon,” Gerard suggested. I smiled back at him and gave a small nod. I let him choose. I really didn’t mind. Gerard pulled out a movie and turned to me waiting for a response. “Texas Chain Saw Massacre it is then,” I whispered.
“I hope that’s ok,”
“Hey, we can watch whatever you want. You know I don’t mind.” I get comfortable on the bed; Gerard lay next to me resting his head against my chest. I didn’t refuse; he always leaned on my chest. It was just what he did when we watched movies and usually he would fall asleep, allowing me to stroke his hair.
The movie ended and the credits appeared on screen as I opened my eyes, my mom standing in my doorway. “Hey boys,”
“Gerard honey, you’re mom called and asked me if you were here. I told her you were and she asked me if you could stay here a few days until things have cooled down at home. I agreed and said it would be ok. You don’t mind do you?” she explained.
“No, it’s fine. I would rather stay here than go home any day,”
“That’s ok then,” she nodded and turned to leave. I glanced out the window and realised how dark it was and how tired I honestly was. I pulled my t-shirt and threw it on the floor, along with my jeans and slipped under the covers. Gerard did the same and turned out the light. Thunder rolled loudly throughout the sky and lightning cracked down, lighting up the sky. I could feel Gerard shaking as he lay next to me. He sniffed loudly before I realised he was crying as quietly as he could. “Gee…come here,” I advised, slipping a hand behind his neck, trying to bring him close; he wouldn’t move.
“No, it’s okay,” he sobbed.
“No its fucking not,” I argued. “You’re crying, just come here,” I demanded, this time I was able to pull him close. I moved my hand from his neck and wrapped my arm around his back, stroking the back of his head, my other arm grabbing his waist to bring our bodies closer together. “Shh, it’ll be okay. The storm will pass,” I soothed.
“It’s not just that. It’s the storm and my parents and my problem that I can’t fix. I think I can, but it’s something I need to do and if I do, I could ruin something that’s really important to me. I’m not sure if it is worth the risk. I’m so scared,”
“You never know, Gerard. What you do may change things in a good way. I’m sure that whatever you do, it won’t ruin anything. Your parents, it will get better. I know it will,”
“I love you Frank,” he whispered. My heart skipped a beat, my breath hitched in my throat. “I mean as a friend, you know? We’ve known each other for years. You’re my best friend Frank and you’re always there for me. You know what I mean right?”
My heart sunk, but I didn’t release or loosen my grip on Gerard. I didn’t want him to know how heartbroken I was. I fought back the tears and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know exactly what I mean and I love you too Gee I do care about you, just the same.”
I waited for hours until Gerard became calm and fell asleep before I did so myself. I had to make sure he was okay.
I awoke to the sound of more thunder, an awoken Gerard still shaking in my grip.
“Oh shit, Gerard. Are you okay?”
He shook his head and I sat up, bringing Gerard with me. I kissed his cheek and squeezed him a little tighter. “I’m going to have a shower, you can have one in my mom’s bathroom if you want,” I suggested. Gerard nodded and I released him from my hug, getting out of bed to get Gerard a clean towel from my closet. “It’s just down the hall, you know where my mother’s room is,”
“Will she mind?” Gerard questioned warily.
Gerard stood from my bed and ventured down the hall. I gave myself a moment to stare at him. Nothing on but thin boxers and I never realised how pale he was, how beautiful he truly was. I grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom. I pulled my boxers off, tossing them to the floor, before stepping under the warm water. I stood under the water and jacked off lazily, washed my hair, the rest of my body and turned off the water, stepping into the ice cold air. I wrapped my towel around my lower half and walked out of the bathroom into my room, only to be greeted by Gerard, who was like me and in nothing but a towel. I paced towards him to get a shirt from my closet, which unfortunately he just happened to be standing by. I’d never been this close to Gerard while he had been practically naked. He was beautiful and delicate looking. I pulled a shirt from my closet and shut it. Gerard gripped my wrists tightly and pushed me back until my head was against the closet. I closed my eyes, expecting to be hurt, but I thought he would never do something that could seriously injure me. Instead, I feel something wet against me…his lips. Gerard is kissing me. I stand there for a moment, completely unaware of the situation. It takes me a minute to come back to reality and I begin to kiss him back hungrily. He takes that as an okay and Gerard starts grinding his hips against me. I can feel his hard-on through the towel and I let out a small moan as he brushes against me. “What the fuck?” I breathe. Gerard just giggles and grinds more. I am so turned on I could just come if he continues to grind against me, but he releases my wrists, one arm snaking around my body, the other is down palming me through the towel as my hands find their way up, my fingers tangling themselves in his hair. Just as soon as it started, it had ended. Gerard had turned around and walked away. “Why…why did you stop?” I wonder. I stay leaning against the closet, my chest heaving in and out as I try to fight for air. He turns to face me, a devious smile plastered across his face. That’s when I realise his towel was around his ankles revealing his swollen, leaking cock. He was as sexy as I had imagined. “Gerard, you…look, you’re–” I stumble.
“Fuckin gorgeous,” he smirks.
“Yeah,” I nod. I know my cheeks are turning crimson, but I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of Gerard and I knew he was watching me as I stared wide-eyed at him...almost drooling.
“Are you okay?” Gerard laughs, snapping me to attention.
“Uh-umm yeah,” I reply, straightening up and looking away, pulling my shirt over my head. I grab a pair of boxers and a pair of jeans and walk into the bathroom. I pull them on and sigh. “Gerard was gorgeous,” I whisper to myself. “But what the fuck is he doing?”
When I open the bathroom door Gerard is sitting on my bed, waiting for me.
“You ready for school?” he asks. I stay silent and once again I nod. I don’t know what to say, words have escaped me.
As the walk drags on I can’t help but think what was going through Gerard’s mind this morning. I want to ask why he did it, but some things are better left unsaid. “Frankie…”
“About this morning…”
“What about it?” I ask urgently.
“You know, I’m…I’m not gay…I’m not, I just…this morning, you were there in a towel and I don’t know what came over me,”
“Gerard, you’ve kissed me, made out with me and today you were palming me and standing naked before me. Are you sure not gay? I mean….think about it…” I argue.
“I don’t know. I hope not. I don’t want to be gay. I’m NOT gay!” Gerard sobs.
“Gee, honey, please don’t cry,”
“I don’t want to be though, Frankie,”
“Gee…I know. Just please stop crying. Let’s just go home, we can talk and sort some things out,”
I lay on my bed waiting for Gerard to calm down and sit next to me, but he won’t. He keeps pacing back and forth, whispering inaudible things to himself. “Would you calm down Gee, it will be okay”
“How will it be okay? I’m not gay, I swear,”
“Then why did you do all the things you did? You know…like….dropping your towel, making out with me. Why did all that happen if you aren’t gay?”
“Spur-of-the-moment, I guess,”
“You guess? Well, Gerard…did you enjoy it? Even a tiny bit,”
“Yeah…I mean no. I don’t know,”
“The way you looked at me when you were naked, I could’ve sworn you liked it,” I admit.
“Can we just drop it? Just stop Frank!” Gerard yells, tears streaming down his face. That’s when I realise I’m right. Gerard is gay. He just doesn’t want to admit it. After all, I can’t exactly say I’d blame him. I do feel a little bad though. I should have stopped ages ago. Gerard looks at me, sniffing loudly as he tries to fight back the tears and hide his shame. I can tell he feels humiliated and it makes me wonder if he regrets what he did. “Gee, look, just calm down okay,”
“Relax…Frankie, I’m just going to home and get a few things. Some clean clothes, some more pencils, but don’t worry…I’ll only be gone a few hours”
“Can I come?”
“I need time alone,”
“Are you sure you want to go alone,”
“I have to go alone. It’s not an option. Sorry, Frank–”
I throw up my palm and shake my head. “Don’t, I understand. I really do,”
Gerard wiped his tears with the sleeve of his favourite worn out leather jacket, threw his bag over his shoulder and walked out of my room and out the door. I push myself up off the bed and slowly walk towards my window to watch Gerard as he heads off home. That’s when I finally remember about the letter. He never told me about the letter, which means he never read it. I think to myself. I lie on my bed, pulling out a pencil and a piece of paper and begin to write.
Dear Gerard. I’m sorry if this ruins our friendship, but I love you Gee, I always have and you have to know I would do anything for you.
I folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. I didn’t address it, nor did I seal it. I just left there on my bedside table. I roll over and bury my head under my pillow, it’s only ten in the morning and I have no idea when Gerard will get back, so I decide to lie and wait. The hours pass slowly and it worries me a little. Where the fuck is Gerard? I’m kind of tired. I didn’t get much sleep the night before, staying up late and comforting him. He didn’t fall asleep until three a.m., so I decide to at least try to get some sleep, which honestly…shouldn’t be too difficult.
My eyes flutter open and I wonder how long I’ve been asleep for. I sit up, enabling me to get a better look around my room. Gerard is sitting on a chair with his sketch pad, doodling away. I peer out the window. It’s completely and utterly black. “What time is it?” I mumble.
“Late, just….just go back to sleep.”
“Where were you? You were gone for hours? I was getting worried you weren’t going to come back. I thought I upset you,” I say in a panicked tone.
“Hey, I just went out to get some things, I told you that. You shouldn’t be worried. You didn’t upset me and I’m never going to leave you. I’ll come join you now. I’m tired anyway,” he smiles. I roll over and shut my eyes as I feel Gerard slip in next to me. I’m not going to sleep. I’m tired, sure, but I am still worried. I know Gerard isn’t going to sleep anytime soon either. I can feel him shaking beneath the covers as he lay beside me. It crosses my mind to confront him about what is wrong, but I know Gee too well. He will either lie to me or ignore me. It’s something Gerard does whenever someone tries to help. He said he was going to go home and collect a few things, so I just assume it’s his parents. It’s better for him if I don’t ask.
I open my eyes and squint as the brightness hits them. “I hate sunny days,” I mumble. I sit up and hop out of bed, sitting on my desk chair. I take the opportunity to look at Gerard, who is sprawled across my bed in a position that looks most uncomfortable. The blanket is pushed down around his waist, showing off his pale torso. One arm is resting on his side, his hand placed on his stomach; his other arm is stretched out across the bed and that kind of explains why I had no room when I woke up this morning. Then I notice it, something isn’t right about Gerard….the bandage that is bound tightly around his right forearm. “No, shit, no….please, don’t do this to me Gerard,” I beg quietly, knowing full well he can’t hear me. There is a small knock at my door and I’m taken out of my trance. I rise from my chair to open the door. My mother is standing before me, tears in her eyes. She was a tough little Italian lady and she never cried, so you can imagine that for me there is nothing that worried me more than to see her distressed.
“Ma, what is it?”
“I…it’s…” she sobs quietly, in effort not to wake the sleeping Gerard in my bed.
“What is it?” I ask again.
“It’s the Way’s honey,”
“What about them, did they break-up?”
“They didn’t die…did they?”
“No of course not, dear. I….just…they,”
I throw my arms over her shoulders and squeeze her closely as she cries. We break apart and I kiss her cheek comfortingly. “Ma-ma, what is it…please just tell me,” I beg.
“They…they moved out. They did split and they moved apart,”
“What? Gee went there yesterday?”
“They left last night. What about Gerard…mom? Will one of them come back for him?”
“They left him sweetie. All of his possessions were left in boxes on our drive. I brought them inside and I cleaned out the entire office and I still have to put Gee’s things in it. I’m so sorry sweetie,”
I step aside and my mother stares at Gerard for a moment, before she notices it too. “Frankie…is that…did he do what I think he did? Please tell me he didn’t,”
“I know mom. I wish I could tell you otherwise. I’m going to talk to him about it when he wakes up. I guess I’ll be the one to break it too him.”
“I can stay when you decide to do it. Just call for me,”
She closes my door to leave and I sit back down, shaking violently. Tears being held back with all the strength I could possibly muster up. I start to cry myself. I wipe my tears with the palms of my hands and bury my head between my knees, trying to cry as quietly as possible. “Frankie, why are you crying?”
I stop immediately when I realise it, but I try my best to brush it off. “I’m okay. It will be okay, don’t worry about me,”
“No, fuck no.” Gerard sits up, his eyes fixed firmly on me. “Tell me!” he demands in a tone that makes me shiver. I have never heard him so stern. “Mom,” I call. My door flings open and she is standing there. “Gee, it’s your parents,” I begin, standing up from my chair and sitting next to him on the bed. “They…they broke up,” I continue.
“What? I have to see them,” Gerard says, panic in his voice.
“You can’t. They moved. I’m so sorry Gerard,”
“W-where will…I live…?” Gerard chokes out.
“What about my stuff? My posters, my records…all my art books,”
“They’re here, everything has been dropped off. I’ve cleaned out the office, and put in a bed. I figured you would want to set up your things by yourself or Frankie can help. I really am sorry sweetie,” my mom cuts in, before leaving again. I wrap my arms around Gee and tears rack his body. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and slowly exhale as I know I am about to regret saying this, especially at a time like now, but I find that it is something of great importance and cannot wait. “Gee, your parent’s…is that why your arm is…?”
He just nods and I hold him tighter, but Gee pushes from my grip and heads out of my room and towards his. I follow him close behind. Only a few boxes cover the floor…he has less stuff than I ever realised.
We lay on his bed, our chests heaving, beads of sweat dripping from our foreheads. Every last box had now been unpacked and it only took four hours. Gerard is so damn fussy when it comes to setting up his room. “Are you sure it’s okay that I live here?” he asks hesitantly.
“Yes. Where else are you going to go?” I question. I am happy though. I honestly couldn’t be more thrilled that the guy of my dreams is finally living with me, but I couldn’t tell him that if I wanted too. I rise from the bed and wander out and down into my room. I can feel Gerard look at me oddly as I walk quickly out of his room and I know it is on the tip of his tongue to ask me why I am leaving, nor could I answer that if he ever was to ask me. If he was to ask me why I left, I’d probably shoot back with questions about his wrist, but I don’t know if I can be that cruel to him.I care too much about him and for a split second it crosses my mind to ask him to be my Valentine date, but like he said…he’s straight. I’m not going to force him to come out. If he finally figures out by himself that he is straight or gay then I will. Until then, it is his choice to keep quiet. I think, as I lay sprawled out across my bed. The feeling is weird and unusual, a feeling that I am not fond of. I had grown quite accustomed to having Gerard sound asleep next to me and I missed it. I took a comic from my bedside table and began to read it, ridding me of all thoughts that consisted of Gerard.
My eyes flicker open and I frantically push the object off my hot, sweaty face. The room is pitch black and the last thing I remember was reading. I peer at the alarm clock next to my bed. The little red digits flash 2:00a.m as it beeps. “Shit…it’s so hot,” I mumble. I place my hand on my bedside table and fumble in the dark for my lamp switch, flicking it on when I eventually find it. I’m still in my jeans, which justifies why I am so hot and the object I pushed from my face was just a comic. My stomach turns with hunger and I decide to sneak out for food. I pull of my jeans and throw them to the floor, my shirt soon following and I carefully open my door. I tiptoe down the hall towards the kitchen. I quickly make a peanut-butter sandwich and head back down to my room, but I don’t make it. I stop at Gerard’s door. The light from his room is glowing beneath the gap of his door and his quiet sobs are heard. “Gerard…” I whisper. “Can I come in?”
No reply from him is heard, just his sobs. I grip the door handle, turning it slowly and I walk in as I open it. Gerard is sitting on the floor in a tight little ball. He brings his head up from his knees. His face a bright shade of red, his eyes are puffy and stains lay on his cheeks from his eyeliner mixed in with his continuous cries. I knelt down next to him, wrapping my free arm around his shoulders and brought his head to my shoulder. “What is it Gee?”
“Can…I…can…I…come to your room Frankie?”
“Of course,” I nodded, helping him from the floor. I flicked off his light as we made our way out of his room and towards mine. I lay him down on the bed and bring the covers up to his waist, seeing as it was too hot to be completely covered. I slip in next to him and flick off my lamp. I lay there for a moment feeling the bed shake slightly beneath me as Gerard sobs into his pillow. It is becoming too painful too just fall asleep listening to him, so I wriggle over, trapping him in a close and secure hug, burying his face in my bare chest.
I awake to the sound of rain against my window. Out of habit I peer at my clock…only to find a little black box tied in red ribbon and a rose wrapped in clear plastic, tied with a purple ribbon made into a bow and a nice little card with a big heart on it. Gerard sat across from me cross-legged on my chair. I sit up in bed, letting the blanket fall to my waist as I pick up the black box, untying the ribbon. I took of the lid and within the little box was a big chocolate heart wrapped in red foil. I then picked the card up and opened it to read the message held within.
Frankie, my baby,
My wonder, my joy,
I never told you,
That I loved a boy.
You were there
Through thick and thin,
To share my pain,
So let the love begin.
You always help me
and you know what to say.
Will you be mine…this Valentine’s Day?
A smile spread across my face and I beamed up and Gee, who was now holding an unfolded piece of paper with words scrawled on it. “I read all you letters…including the one you asked me about the other day…so will you be my Valentine?”
“I…I don’t know what to say?”
“Are you sure?” I ask worriedly.
“Of course, I know what I said before, I was just afraid, but I want to be with you…more than anything, please Frankie,”
“Yes,” I whisper,”
“Yes,” I smile, placing everything on the bedside table as Gerard leaps from the chair and onto the bed, landing on top of me. He smashes his lips on mine a little hard, so that it hurt. I know he has never kissed anyone before and it is just an accident…he’s nervous. We break apart and his smile is from ear to ear and Gerard’s cheeks are red.
“Let’s get breakfast,” I suggest, jumping out of bed, pushing Gerard off of me.
“Not so fast,” he grins evilly, grabbing my wrist. “I love you…did you hear me Frankie? I love you,”
“I love you too. I’m hungry, so can we get breakfast?”
Instead of answering, Gee stays silent and picks me up in one swift movement and carried me off down the hall towards the kitchen.
My mom is standing there as we enter, still being held in Gee’s arms, a confused look is spread over her face. “Why are you so two happy?”
“Mom,” I whine. “I told you not to question my boyfriends,”
“Boyfriend,” she screeches. “Well…finally!” She laughs. “About time you two wonderful boys got together now, wouldn’t you agree Frankie?”
“What do you think mom?” I ask back sarcastically.
“I think I’m right. Then again, I’m always right,”
“I will definitely agree with you there Miss Iero,” Gerard giggled.
Mom smiled at me, I don’t think I’ve seen her as happy as this in a long time. “Here take this,” Mom says, handing me a $50 note. Go have breakfast on me,”
“Thanks mom Now put me down,”
Gerard drops me down and wraps his arms around my waist, bringing me close and kissing me.
“Happy Valentine’s Day Frankie,”
“Happy Valentine’s Day Gerard,”
“I love you baby,”
“I love you too,”